6 weeks into my teaching internship and having the absolute worst six weeks of my life. Teaching at a Montessori middle school. Was just told to show up to campus, was given no instructions or details on what to do. Have been trying to help students – to practically no avail, have broken up fights, have had kids call me a queer to my face. There’s two Guinea pigs as class pets and the kids terrorize them. Today one of the kids hit the Guinea pig, HARD. Guinea pigs are fragile creatures, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t cry in front of the class.

The classroom teacher didn’t react at all. She’s an intern too, in charge of an entire class somehow. And there’s nothing I can do. I don’t blame her but I’m so lost. There’s a kid today who I told to walk away from a kid he was harassing and he just looked me in the eyes and told me there was as nothing I could do. I’m significantly smaller then him physically. I’m out on the playground by myself. I’m an intern so I don’t have a walkie talkie or any adults around to help me. I spent my lunch period crying in the bathroom. I’m not supposed to be supervising children by myself. But I often am, and I’m completely overwhelmed by it.

I want to be a teacher because I’ve been teaching an after school art program and it’s been delightful. I loved it. I’m an artist, and it was extremely delightful getting to work with young artists. Figured being a teacher would be a natural progression.

It is not. I am completely miserable – and I’m not even a teacher yet.