It’s very en vogue right now to call out toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity is essentially dismissing negative emotions and responding to difficult situations with an overly positive mindset. It is especially prevalent in the teaching profession, with teachers expected to push anything negative or upsetting regarding teaching to the back burner.
Toxic positivity in teaching is problematic and should not be the norm.
Toxic Positivity and Teaching
My intention today is for you to see exactly what toxic positivity is and how it works in the teaching profession.
Dear Leader calls for a staff meeting. Things are not going well; state test scores are down, student behavior problems are up, and parents are unhappy. Dear Leader looks out at you with plaintive eyes and says, “We need to do better.”
Then Dear Leader tells a story from their time in teaching and reads a letter from a past student and eyes all around the room brim with tears at the thought of the impact that teachers can have.
“A Great Teacher is Like a Candle”
Next, a PowerPoint slide that says, “A great teacher is like a candle – it consumes itself to light the way for others.”
This is a red flag moment.
Dry your tears, and stop imagining yourself as the hero teacher who saves a kid’s life or the recipient of the lovely thank you letter and appreciation gift; you are in real danger and I’m not even kidding.
- First, a Human Candle is a commodity that is used up and then disposed of. Do you keep the melted wax or leftover wick once a candle has burned down? No, of course not. It is thrown away, and you will be too.
- Second, the role of the Human Candle is to be destroyed by the system. Not only is your destruction sure to happen, but it is also required and your job is to facilitate it in order to “light the way”.
- Third, your only perceived value is in how bright you shine as you burn up. Should you dare to not burn as brightly as expected, others will outshine you. Then where will you be and what will happen? There’s one thing that’s for sure: your job is even less secure now.
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Toxic Positivity is Harming Teachers
This is how toxic positivity is ruining the lives of our teachers.
Dear Leaders across the country are expecting this destructive level of emotional, physical, and intellectual sacrifice. But why? Because it’s what makes the system work.
If you can gaslight teachers, emotionally abuse them, and manipulate people into working countless hours while sacrificing their personal lives and internalizing the failures of a broken system, you have a perpetual motion machine. An infinitely churning engine that chews up well-intentioned people and spits them out as husks.
You never have to think about fixing that system because, for a relatively small economic cost (compared to completely rebuilding the broken system), you keep the wheels turning, the kids babysat, the textbook and standardized test companies in business, and the professional development circuit populated.
But this has to stop. Yesterday.
Setting Emotional Boundaries
In the meantime, teachers must set emotional boundaries. Instead of agreeing with everything pushed on them by the admin and saying yes to extra obligation, it’s time for teachers to say no.
“No, I can’t purchase those teaching supplies out of my own pocket.”
“No, I can’t stay until after 6 o’clock to meet with that parent.”
“No, I didn’t get every paper graded last night.”
And I can hear you, as I write this, screaming, “I’ll be written up!” or “I’ll get a poor evaluation!” or “I’ll lose my job!” This is most likely not true; teachers have contracts with rights and responsibilities that are clearly outlined.
Human Candles don’t use those contracts to set boundaries because deep down we fear Dear Leader won’t think we’re pretty and bright anymore. And you’re right, they won’t.
So what’s the upside to giving up your “calling” as a Human Candle but staying on as a Teacher? You’re free.
Free to use your personal days, free to work only your contracted hours, free to save a majority of the love in your heart for your family, partners, pets, or house plants.
You can have the time and energy to exercise, take up a hobby, adopt a dog, learn to square dance, and do all the things that Non-Candle Humans get to do. You are no longer a prisoner of Dear Leader’s toxic desire to use you to prop up a broken system until you are destroyed by the sheer weight of the task.
If we all did this tomorrow, and we all drew a line in the sand, they would fix the system. Because it won’t work without us.
So carry on, but refuse to burn down. Refuse to keep teaching unsustainably until you burn out.
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Teaching with Toxic Positivity
Stop letting the toxic classroom environment destroy your wellbeing. NO job should come at the cost of a person’s wellbeing.
If you’d like to read further, I’ve selected a couple of posts below that will help you.
More Reading for You!
But above all, take care of yourself! Say no, commit to self-care, and don’t burn out.
You’re no help to anyone – especially yourself – once your wick is all gone.
Furio Detti
Friday 18th of August 2023
The most evident case of positive toxicity in my opinion is the passive-aggressive mood of my colleagues and, most of, of the coleagues more prone to the Direction or Principal (in Italy "Dirigente scolastico"). Each time I had to say "We as teachers shall not do X because Y" - any of my "No"s were without a hint of explaination (wes we could agree or not but we can discuss) - the common automatic response is not about my reasons or any discussion "how can we manage that better" but: So you harm the students. Or the student's right will be impaired. Putting any on the floor of If you do as you ask you do the good for pupils; otherwise no. With emotional performance too. I cannot count the times when my Principal accused me to damage the school community only If I suggest the colleagues to vote no to a certain summer activity (in Italy we can approve or diapprove in meetings part of the proposals from the Direction that are outside the contract).
Tracey
Thursday 22nd of June 2023
Unfortunately, both for teachers and Dear Leaders toxic positivity is very true and very prevalent. Ask yourself who matters? It should always be 1. Yourself 2. Your loved ones, 3. Your students. The others? Screw'em. Close the door and reach/teach those who want and need it. With the dire shortage of teachers, we have some leverage now to say no! Will you really lose your job? The bigger Dear Leaders (politicians) don't care if public education goes down the drain. They will continue to add to our plates and truly don't care that we are hurting. Sad, but true.
Tracey
Thursday 22nd of June 2023
Unfortunately, both for teachers and Dear Leaders toxic positivity is very true and very prevalent. Ask yourself who matters? It should always be 1. Yourself 2. Your loved ones, 3. Your students. The others? Screw'em. Close the door and reach/teach those who want and need it. With the dire shortage of teachers, we have some leverage now to say no! Will you really lose your job? The bigger Dear Leaders (politicians)don't care if public education goes down the drain. They will continue to add to our plates and truly don't care that we are hurting. Sad, but true.
Ernest
Thursday 22nd of June 2023
As one of those “Dear Leader” I don’t think teachers understand that campus admins are under the same pressures that teachers are and exposed to the same toxicity.
I ran a brand new HS for five years, with a “veteran AP” that was kind and friendly but moved there to “do less harm” so practically ran the campus with a Skelton crew of teachers, counselor and myself; point is we were working our tails off to see amazing results from our students graduating and entering the workforce with 6 figure careers in welding and automotive fields, some entering college paths that never seemed possible, amazing love and support from parents, business partners, and community and the superintendent came in and stated, “you seem worn out and maybe not a good fit for this job” and I said, “yes I am exhausted trying to do great things for the kids and running a one-man show.” He gave the “dedication” speech and “commitment” stories and “my struggles as a campus admin” and then transferred me to an associate role elsewhere in the district; only to give the amazing students and campus to a first year Admin that happened to be from “local royalty.” I left that district to become a curriculum director, lots less stress and I have been real with the admins I work with….family first and encourage them to take time and leave work on time. Because once you exhaust yourself, argue with your wife because you work too much, you kids claim “you love your students more than us”, etc. just to be replaced.
I miss those students and thanks to Facebook they reach out to me about how they miss me. The poor replacement has struggled all year and the assistance superintendent has had to run the campus.
Lisa W
Wednesday 21st of June 2023
I had a principal who was toxically positive. That song from The Lego Movie “Everything is Awesome” was her theme song. She had us read a book called “The Energy Bus”. Based on this book if you didn’t turn all things positive and fake it till you make it, you were an “energy vampire”. It’s not ok to push people to stuff down all their negative feelings and to swallow your pain. But that’s what was expected. If you didn’t then basically you did not fit in with her.