If you’ve ever taught kids for a single day in your life, you know that students treat being on time as more of a suggestion than a rule. While the tardiness itself is annoying, the creative excuses that come with it can be rather entertaining. Forget alarm clocks and traffic; apparently, the universe has an entire conspiracy dedicated to making sure your students can’t make it through your door before the bell rings. According to them, there are forces at play beyond their control, like rogue farm animals, explosive diarrhea, and of course, the ever-popular “traffic was bad.”
Teachers everywhere have heard it all. One kid’s dog “looked sad,” another was “stuck behind a slow walker,” and someone’s grandma “called to ask how to use her iPad.” Sure, you could hand out tardy slips, but that is like punishing comedic genius. Their excuses might not hold up in the real world, but in the classroom, they’re pure gold. So grab your coffee, roll your eyes affectionately, and enjoy this collection of the funniest, most ridiculous student excuses for being late!
I also paired the excuses with classic, old-school memes for a bit of nostalgic fun. Enjoy!
I was late to class/school because…
1. “My ‘part’ was really itchy and I needed to take a shower.”
2. “I was eating Takis and I rubbed my eyes and the burn was so bad I had to wait for it to go away.”
3. “My lips were stuck together.”
4. “I had to take my grandma to get smokes.”
5. “My earring was stuck on my blanket, and it hurt.”
6. “My dog had diarrhea all over the couch.”
7. “My dogs were sunbathing and would not come inside.”
8. “My rat is depressed and needed attention.”
9. “I was feeding a squirrel outside and lost track of time.”
10. “My baby brother pooped on the floor, then slipped and fell in it.”
11. “The cows escaped this morning and were blocking the gate.”
12. “My dog’s anal gland secreted, and it got all over me and smelled really bad.”
13. “I was taking a ‘fat shat.’”
14. “Someone threw my bike into a tree. There was no room in the rack, so I just threaded the lock through the frame and both wheels. Someone must have tried to steal it, got frustrated when it wouldn’t ride, and then threw it up into a tree. It took me a while to get it down and untangle the bike lock.”
15. “I was ‘escaping from the pigs.’” (The student was arrested before school ended.)
16. A kid said he was late because he was looking for a screwdriver because his belt broke. The teacher said he didn’t believe him and told him to sit down. The student took two steps, then his pants fell to his ankles in front of everyone.
17. “I was practicing an escape trick for the upcoming school talent show. I handcuffed myself to a chair and couldn’t find the key. My mom freed me, but not fast enough to get to school on time.”
18. “My baby brother hit me in the jewels with something really hard, and it made them swell up to the size of a small cantaloupe.”
19. “I got chased by a pack of wild dogs as I was getting out of my car and making my way to the building. I was hiding in a tree for almost two hours.” (The teachers did not believe him until the school administration looked at the security footage and saw that he did, indeed, get chased by a pack of wild dogs.)
20. “The light on my bike wasn’t working, so I had to wait until the sun came up.”
21. “My aunt got electrocuted.”
22. “I made it halfway to school before I realized my cat had pooped in my shoe, and I had to walk back home.”
23. “I got a brush stuck in my hair. It was one of those big, round ones. Took a long time to get it out.”
24. “My baby sister made me say goodbye to every object in the house before I could leave.”
25. “I have a new boyfriend and we haven’t been getting much sleep.”
If you enjoyed this article, you would probably love 30 Funny Student Drawings of Their Teacher and Outrageous Parent Requests.
Some of these hilarious excuses came from The ‘Rona Roundup Book, which is available here!
