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Outrageous Things Administrators Say to Teachers

Outrageous Things Administrators Say to Teachers


Ah, the wonderful world of school administration, where every meeting is a treasure trove of wisdom and insight, right? Now picture this: a group of professionals who’ve clearly never stepped foot in a classroom, dispensing pearls of wisdom like, “Have you tried engaging the students more?” or “Just differentiate your lessons!” Because, obviously, all those years of teacher training and experience pale in comparison to the profound epiphanies of someone who last interacted with a student when dial-up internet was still a thing. Welcome to the magical land where admin. always knows best – even when it’s a suggestion that you get your tubes tied.

Money concerns

  • “I know we all spend money out of our pockets for our classrooms and students, but we need to make sure we are all making our yearly tax donations to our school so that we can have funding to do things.”
  • “You don’t need to worry about retirement. You are young, and you can get a sugar daddy.”
  • “If they need notebooks, you can buy them for your students for only 50 cents at Walmart. Don’t ask us because we don’t have any to give.”
  •  (From superintendent) “I reached out to parents and asked them to consider a donation to our ed. foundation in lieu of holiday gifts for teachers. The response has been excellent so far! If you receive an email letting you know that a donation has been made in your name, it is very important that you send the family a handwritten thank you note.”

Work Ethic

  • “Exhaustion is proof that you care!”
  • “I know you are upset that we took your planning period for hallway duty, but that’s what weekends are for!”
  • “You need to eat, sleep, and breathe this job. You need to run yourself into the ground. If not, you aren’t doing it correctly.”
  • Superintendent: “Teachers are servants.”

Health Matters

  • “Let’s celebrate breast awareness month!”
  • “There is no reason to ever request leave for a doctor’s appointment. That is what summers are for.”
  • “Your wife is expecting again? You should have called Mr. Snip-it like I did after my second child.”

Behavioral Concerns

  • “Student tardiness is not my issue. It is your issue.”
  • “I read your office referral, and I met with the student. He says he didn’t do it, so it’s kind of your word against his at this point.”
  • “He didn’t really eat a dead bird. He chewed it a bit and spit it out.”
  • “I know you are looking for guidance as far as the behavior problems in your classes. My best advice is to go home and drink some wine.”
  • (Teacher tells admin. that a student airdropped a picture of a vagina to her phone.) “Why are you letting them use their cell phones in class?”
  • “I have your back until the parents call to complain.”
  • “The student didn’t bite you. His tooth scraped against your arm.”
  • “In this school, there are no longer consequences.”
  • “If students keep misbehaving after all of the interventions, that is when it is the most important to greet them at your door by name!”
  • “If a student runs out of the classroom, you absolutely must run after them. I don’t care if you are 9 months pregnant. Do you have a doctor’s note saying you can’t run? Then you should be able to.”
  • (Student refuses to take notes in class) “Well, we’re not training him to be a secretary.”

Teaching Methods

  • “The fact that a student was using their phone in your class tells me that you do not care about your students or their education.”
  • “I know the heat is broken, and it is very cold in the school, but staff needs to set an example for the students by not wearing coats, jackets, fleece, or any type of outerwear.”
  • “You are no longer allowed to sit during parent conferences. It’s not professional. The parents can sit, but you stand.”
  • “A parent complained that not all of the teachers looked happy during the holiday show. Smiling during the show is mandatory.”

Data, Meetings, and Parents

  • “Dear Teachers, there will be places in today’s assembly where I will need a standing ovation to occur. I am hoping that it will anyway, but I will hand out scripts to teachers to make sure that it happens when I need it to.”
  • “Each and every one of you is replaceable.”
  • “We need to have a grade level meeting today about the grade level meeting we are having tomorrow.”
  • “It’s not my job to care how you feel.”
  • “The latest thinking in education is that there is no need for committees, so let’s just think of a new name for ours.”
  • “In this school, we don’t ever tell parents ‘no.’”
  • “The needs are with the parents who threaten lawsuits, not with the actual students.”
  • “All of the tape you have put on the chairs is gumming them up. We can’t use goo-gone because it can be toxic to some kids. Can you send a few students down at the end of the day to help scrape the goo with a razor blade?”
  • “If there is an active shooter in the building, just tell your kids to keep working.”
  • “Be mindful of dress code. No one wants to see your muffin top.”
  • “Sorry, we overbooked the gym. Can you give your test in the janitor’s closet?”
  • “It is inappropriate for a girl’s bra strap to be showing. So if you notice it, just tuck it in for her.”
  • “I felt relieved when I saw you crying after that parent conference. I was worried that you didn’t have feelings at all.”

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Jane Morris

Jane Morris is the pen name of an ex-teacher who would really like to tell you more about herself but is worried awful administrators will come after her for spilling their dirty little secrets. Jane has taught English for over 15 years in a major American city. She received her B.A. in English and Secondary Education from a well-known university and her M.A. in Writing and Literature from an even fancier (and more expensive) university. As a professional queen of commiseration turned published author, Jane’s foremost passion in life is to make people laugh through the tears.

She has written several highly acclaimed books unpacking the reality of teaching and life inside the school system. You can view her full library of works here.