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Outrageous Parent Emails to the Teacher

Outrageous Parent Emails to the Teacher


Welcome to the batsh*t crazy world of parent-teacher email exchanges, where logic takes a vacation and basic respect pretty much gets shat on. Buckle up, dear reader, because you’re about to dive into the entertaining chaos of parent messages that are hard to believe are even real. From a parent who only called her daughter during math because it is so boring to a parent who simply tells the teacher to F off, these emails will have you questioning how some people managed to graduate elementary school themselves. Grab some popcorn and prepare for a journey through the teacher’s inbox, which is a terrifying place to be! 

By the way, I swear on all that is holy I did not make any of this up (except for the names, which were largely inspired by RuPaul’s Drag Race). If you’re a teacher, you’ll believe every word. If you’re not a teacher, and you find yourself questioning the validity of these emails, just send the link over to a teacher friend, and they’ll validate it for you.

From: Parent of student you had last year

To: Child’s former teacher

Subject: Walmart

Hope this finds you well. Can you please help me get Walmart gift cards from any Walmart store in the area, I need to send them as birthday gifts for loved ones, I can’t pick them up myself as I am on a trip. Please put them in my mailbox and I’ll repay you when I get home. 

From: Moltar’s mom

To: Moltar’s computer science teacher

Subject: Moltar’s skills


I am Moltar’s mother. I know that Moltar’s computer science skills race beyond his classroom expectations because I see the work he creates outside and class and it is mind-boggling to me. Something happened to his grade in your class that doesn’t seem to make any sense. If you would like to see some of the work he does on his own time in order to raise his grade please make room for that in your grade book. I understand that you have a lot of students but my son is special in your course and deserves recognition for that, not a bad grade. Please spend the time to re-review his grades. I am hoping that all of the missing assignments he has missed won’t affect his grade that much.

Please consider!

To: Olaf’s mom

From: Olaf’s teacher

Subject: Olaf’s HW

Good evening,

I just wanted to inform you that Olaf did not have his homework again this morning but by the end of the day, another student’s homework appeared in his backpack. It had the student’s name crossed off and Olaf’s was written on top. 

To: Olaf’s teacher

From: Olaf’s mom

Subject: Re: Olaf’s HW

Yes, I have seen it for myself. Things being in Olaf’s bags that he didn’t put there and have had to have him bring it back to school. The word of God teaches that this is sorcery. God promises to destroy sorcery and those who practice it. God’s word does not come back unfulfilled so I am not worried. Also I find it strange that another student’s name was on Olaf’s work. Let’s see what else appears in the next few days. Enjoy your day.

To: Olaf’s mom

From: Olaf’s teacher

Subject: Olaf’s cellphone

Good evening,

I just wanted to inform you that Olaf had his phone confiscated during a test today. To retrieve it, you will need to come to the main office. 

To: Olaf’s teacher

From: Olaf’s mom

Subject: Re: Olaf’s cellphone

You are playing games but God of Israel’s words say your mischief shall recoil upon your head and you will fall into your own pit.

To: Chemistry teacher

From: Brak’s mom

Subject: Lesson on Pot


I was wondering, since Brak is in chemistry, could you do a brief unit on marijuana and the effect on the teenage brain? Brak has been smoking a lot of pot which worries me. I taught school for 42 years and have students smoke too much or move on to other drugs. I lost students who started smoking pot and moved onto LSD. He won’t listen to me and has invited me to join him a few times, which I will probably do when he is older. I figure I’m 71 now so why the hell not? I personally think it should be legalized. I tried it once in college and it felt so good I knew it would be bad. In fact, it was great so it scared the shit out of me. Can you talk to Brak about it? Thanks.

To: Barnabas’ mom

From: Barnabas’ teacher

Subject: Lunch detention

Good afternoon,

This message is to inform you that Barnabas will be serving lunch detention tomorrow due to excessive tardies. If you have any question please let me know. 

To: Barnabas’ teacher

From: Barnabas’ mom

Subject: Re: Lunch detention

It’s called life. I’m “tardy” every day to work and other events with no reprimand. His father and I talked about it. At this point we don’t know whether to be annoyed with you and the school and the constant issues you have with our son or what. He said it’s difficult to get from class to class without running. Whew! I can’t wait for this year to be over!

From: Aquaria’s mom

To: Daughter’s teacher

Subject: Lunchtime concern

Good afternoon. 

My daughter came home very distraught yesterday. She was almost in tears as she told me that her lunch time that she has with all of her friends was taken away, yet again, due to you having to pump breast milk for your newborn child at the beginning of the class period. As I mother myself I understand the importance of breast milk but also as a mother it is important to me that my child is happy at school. Since this activity takes 15 minutes, could you perhaps consider doing that at a different time so that my daughter and her friends can have the lunch time they originally had? I am not only speaking for my daughter. I also speak on behalf of other parents who have the same concern as I. I appreciate your understanding in this important matter. 

To: School Counselor

From: Zorak’s mother

Subject: Inaccurate grade

I just checked Zorak’s grades online and they are horrible. There is no way this is accurate. Either the information on the school’s website is inaccurate or no one is updating the information which is why it is inaccurate. I know it is Christmas day but I would like a response as soon as possible because these grades were like a horrible gift I opened today. I am seriously considering switching schools.

From: Vanjie’s mother

To: Teacher

Subject: Urgent! Haunted book 


I really need your help. The book that Vanjie bought at the book fair is causing a huge problem in our house. I told her that she needs to take it back and exchange it for something else immediately. She told me that you said there are no refunds and nothing to exchange it for, since the book fair is over. We cannot have the book in our home. I know that it says it is for a kid her age, but we have already had to deal with 7 demons in our home. This would be opening the door for another. I need to know what to do about this.

To: Social Studies Teacher

From: Silky’s mother

Subject: Need help

Dear Mr. Davenport,

My daughter Silky started her period a few months ago and is very shy about it. She’s so shy that she doesn’t want to change her pad at school because she thinks someone will know she has her period. I’m afraid that she might smell down there. Do you think you could find a way, without embarrassing her, to smell down there and if there is any odor just quietly remind her to change her pad? 

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Jane Morris

Jane Morris is the pen name of an ex-teacher who would really like to tell you more about herself but is worried awful administrators will come after her for spilling their dirty little secrets. Jane has taught English for over 15 years in a major American city. She received her B.A. in English and Secondary Education from a well-known university and her M.A. in Writing and Literature from an even fancier (and more expensive) university. As a professional queen of commiseration turned published author, Jane’s foremost passion in life is to make people laugh through the tears.

She has written several highly acclaimed books unpacking the reality of teaching and life inside the school system. You can view her full library of works here.