Ahhh, exam season. The pinnacles of crunch, stress, and an inane amount of marking! However, there is one bright spot to the standardized season: reading all the funny exam answers by students.
Truly, students write some funny test answers. And a lot of whacked-out workings too!
And though we can’t give any marks for the exam responses that make us spit out our water in a fit of giggles, we can collect all the answers in a mega-post to all guffaw at together. And maybe give half a point for creativity. ;)
Over the course of my nearly two-decade career as a teacher, I kept a personal collection of all the funny exam answers I stumbled across. They were there for me on the days that the misery of teaching had me feeling blue.
And now, I’ve collated them all here for you – it can’t all be concessions and commiseration! Sometimes, we just need to laugh.
So with further ado, let’s have a laugh. Don’t say I never did anything for you!
After all, laughter is the best medicine. And if you’re going to survive exam season, you’ll need all the medicine you can get.
50 Funniest Exams Answers I’ve Collected From Students
From in-class assignments to the silliest answers on AP exams, so begins the collection. The anthology of awesome.
There’s no way around it: kids just say the dumbest s***.
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#1: Information Technology
Explain what a digital footprint is.
A digital footprint is when you step on your iPad.
#2: Geography
What is the capital of England?
E.
#3: Grammar
What is a synonym?
The stuff I put on my toast.
#4: Human Biology
Explain how twins happen.
Twins happen when you have sex when you’re already pregnant.
#5: Philosophy
Would you rather be stuck on an island alone or with someone you hate?
I would rather be stuck on an island with someone I hate so I have something to eat.
#6: Classical Literature
In your opinion, is Odysseus worthy of the title hero? Explain.
Odysseus is my hero because he’s the man. He’s got a hot wife at home but then he goes around banging all these hoes around the globe. That’s my dream right there.
#7: Poetry
Compare the tone or authors’ attitudes in the two poems, “To Helen” by Edgar Allan Poe and “Helen” by HD.
One guy thinks she’s totally the bait and the other guy thinks she’s like the biggest ho.
Need More Laughs?
Then try my post about all the ridiculous things students say to their teachers!
#8: Sex Education…?
Describe how the author manages to give internal events the sense of excitement, suspense, and climax usually associated with external action.
This question is inappropriate and I’m not going to answer it.
#9: Biology 101
Name a book that changed your perspective on the world and describe how it impacted you.
A book that made the biggest impact on me is “Everyone Poops.” It made me realize that pooping is nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone should read this book and realize that yes, everyone really does poop. That means it’s okay, right? Right.
#10: Biographical Literature
Write a memoir using only six words.
Want love, only got deez hoes.
#11: English Studies
Give an example of an onomatopoeia.
SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!
#12: Visual Art
Who painted the Mona Lisa?
Leonardo DiCaprio.
#13. Vocabulary
What part of speech is the word dragon? Use it in a sentence.
Dragon is a noun. I’m gonna be dragon deez nuts across your face.
#14: Non-Fiction Writing
What is a heading?
A heading is a head with the letter ING on it.
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses…
For more student shenanigans, read about the best excuses to dodge remote learning classes.
#15: American History (Pt. 1)
What do we celebrate on the 4th of July?
Fireworks.
#16: American History (Pt. 2)
Who was the first president of the United States?
Yankee Doodle.
#17: Geometry
Name this shape. ⬠
Steve
#18: American History (Pt. 3)
Who said, “Give me liberty or give me death?”
The Statue of Liberty before she was frozen.
#19: Parapsychology
There were forty ghosts and seven disappeared. How many ghosts are left?
Zero because ghosts aren’t real.
#20: The Infinitely Superior Metric System
To turn centimeters to meters you must…?
Take out centi.
#21: Critical Race Theory
List something that is almost always white.
Disney Princesses
#22: Chemistry
Write the two reactions used in the separation of CaCO₃.
Surprised, relieved
#23: Domestic Studies
Sarah has 16 chocolate bars, Jamie takes 4 from her and asks for the remaining quarter. What will Jamie end up with?
A slap!
#24: Chemistry But Also Sorta Biology
Name a gas.
Fart
#25: Mathematics
What is the difference between 8 and 6?
8 is all curly and 6 is not.
#26: Sex Education for Real This Time
Name an effective form of contraception.
Crocs are an effective form of contraception because no one wants to have sex with someone wearing crocs.
Want More Hilarity Like This?
Check out my post about the zaniest questions asked in Sex Ed Class!
#27: Economics
How did Henry Ford spend his money?
On strippers and cocaine
#28: Musical History
Name a musician from the 1920s.
MC Hammer
#29: Botany
Some people think that plants eat soil. Why might they think that?
They are stupid.
#30: Facts
What should you say if someone offers you an illegal drug?
No, thank you, I will take it at home.
#31: Human Biology Attempt Two
How do twins happen?
When a pregnant lady has sex.
#32: Gaming the System
A 7th-grade class wanted to determine the average word length in a textbook. What should they do to determine this?
Copy and paste into a Word document and click “word count.”
#33: Sculpture Studies
What is the Statue of Liberty holding?
An ice cream cone
#34: Report Writing
Plan a short writing piece using what you learned about gorillas.
Thesis: Gorillas and fat and stupid like my family.
Supporting detail #1 Gorillas walk crazy all the time.
Supporting detail #2 Gorillas are bigger than us.
Supporting detail #3 Gorillas have big heads and are stupid.
Conclusion: Gorillas are stupid like my mom, fat like my dad, and have big heads like my sister.
#35: Crafts
Sam can make 11 beaded necklaces in an hour. Sue can make 12 necklaces in an hour. In one week, Sam made necklaces for 6 hours, and Sue made them for 3 hours. Who made more bracelets?
No one was making bracelets.
#36: I Don’t Even Know
Fill in the blanks with the correct word.
10: ten
100: teen
1000: teeen
10000: teeeen
100000: teeeeen
1000000: teeeeeen
#37: Middle-Eastern Studies
What language do people in Lebanon speak?
Lesbian
#38: Astronomy
A star in the sky suddenly brightens to many times its original brightness and then fades gradually over the next several years. Hypothesize what happened in terms of a star’s life cycle.
It just had a hot flash and is probably going through menopause.
#39: Roman History
Who was Caesar Augustus?
A dick-tator
More Excuses!
What about a post dedicated to all the best excuses to visit the school nurse?
#40: Procedure Writing
Write a short “How To” piece. Be sure to include the materials one will need and each step in the process.
How to Twerk: Put your hand on your hips, open your legs. Then put your leg up on the wall and twerk. You can twerk in people’s faces, then they might throw up. If the throw-up gets on you, you can shake the throw-up back at them.
#41: Music Studies
Name a song that is particularly meaningful to you and explain why it is significant.
Chief Keef’s song “Love No Thotties” is meaningful to me because you can’t love, trust, or feed a thotty. You especially can’t make her feel welcome at your crib. In god we trust, in thotties we lust.
#42: Victorian Literature
Explain some qualities of Victorian Literature. How do you know you are reading a Victorian text?
The Victorian Era was the first time Victoria’s Secret was acknowledged. This brought about an uprising of people pondering what Victoria’s secret really is.
#43: Creative Writing
Write a simile.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who also never met.
#44: Creative Writing Pt. 2
Write a metaphor.
Her face was a circle that had been smashed on the sides by a Thigh Master.
#45: Creative Writing Pt. 3
Write a simile.
Her voice had a deep, throaty sound like a dog before it throws up.
#46: American History (Pt. 4)
The last hilarious test answer on American history…
#47: Reflective Writing
A student’s attempt at a thoughtful exam response turns funny…
#48: Physics
To be fair, we’ve all met guys like him.
#49: Film Studies
Why should a student write a funny exam answer when they can draw it? Maximize those marks!
#50: General Science
I still wouldn’t call this strictly wrong.
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Got Your Own Funny Student Exam Answers?
Why not submit them then? Let’s turn this into the internet’s home base of the strangest and silliest test questions and answers!
I hope you had a giggle along with me. At the very least, I hope this post keeps you sane through all the marking seasons to come.
The world is changing. These days, we can secretly use ChatGPT to mark exams and provide feedback to save ourselves hours upon hours of stress!
But the one thing that will NEVER change is the wonderment with which a kid sees the world. Perhaps it’s sometimes a bit literal and a bit lacking in contextualized nuance. But it’s endless entertainment all the same.
So if you have any favorite funny answers from exam papers that you think deserve a shoutout, post them in the comments down below! Let me know so I can work them in. :)
And whatever you do, stay sane out there in all the misery of teaching! Find those bright spots, cut those corners, and make teaching worth it again.
Because nothing will get you through the day like a twelve-year-old’s take on Odysseus and all the booty he plundered.
Pun 100% intended.
