9 Funny Student Stories, Featuring Foot Fetishes and Butt Barbies

After running the Teacher Misery social media account for over ten years, I’ve become a bit of a receptacle for outrageous stories.

Some of them are heartbreaking and tragic… Many are wild and hard to believe… But my favorite ones are just downright hilarious!

Of course, the hilarious stories tend to have a hint of tragedy or sorrow beneath them when you consider why kids act the way they do. But taken at surface level, you’re in for a good laugh!

So I’ve gone ahead and started a little anthology of funny student stories below. The FUNNIEST student stories complete with tall tales and perfect comedic timing from around the USA.

Could these stories of such ridiculousness be true? Well, if you’ve been a teacher very long, you know they are!

But push through, folks. The funny classroom stories are two parts hilarity and one-part misery. But in the words of one great comedian…

9 Funny Student Stories to Make You Go, “No… Seriously?”

Hold on to your hats because it’s about to get weird in here.

Between the spells of hearing burnt-out teachers vent about BS excuses for not doing homework to penning novels on all the stupid things kids say in my spare time, I’ve heard it all. And even these student stories had my jaw on the floor!

Let’s dive in folks. Stories this funny were made to be shared.

#1 – The Dish I Lived In

Here’s one of my favorite kindergarten moments!

A kindergarten class does “show and tell” in the form of an “all about me” bag. The kids take the bag home and bring it back with something in it from home that tells us a little bit about them. Some of the things I suggested when parents were stumped about what to bring in that wasn’t a toy were pictures or a souvenir from a trip. 

It was this sweet little girl’s turn for the All About Me Bag presentation. She first pulled out a birth announcement for her and her twin brother.

I thought, “Wow, what a cute thing.” She then pulls out a couple of ultrasound photos of them in utero. My students are five and honestly had no idea what was going on. 

I tried to wrap it up, but she reached into the bag and yelled, “One more thing!” The next thing I know, she is holding a Petri dish she and her brother were fertilized in through IVF and said, “This is the dish me and my brother grew up in. When we got big enough, the doctor put us inside of our mom.” 

They looked confused and asked me many questions, which I kept dodging. They thought babies came from plastic Petri dishes from this point on, something that would no doubt lead to some funny moments in sex education later down the line.

As you can imagine, there were a lot of concerned parents calling the school that evening.

#2 – A Simple Request

Here’s a disturbing though funny story about teachers and their students’… quirks.

A new 7th-grade boy joined my class. I had him sit in an empty seat next to a girl. On his second day in class, the girl came to me and asked to move seats, saying he was making weird comments and making her uncomfortable, but I told her just to try to be understanding. 

The next day, as we were watching a movie, I allowed the kids free seating and noticed empty desks surrounding the new kid. I went and sat by him and asked him how things were going. He got a very earnest look on his face and asked me if he could speak to me in the hall.

Thinking he would tell me about some bullying experience and that I could be his teacher-hero, I invited him into the hall. He looked down toward my feet, seeming very uncomfortable. I asked if someone was bothering him, and he said he wanted to discuss something strange. I assured him I was there for him, and he asked if he could smell my feet. 

I told him that would make me uncomfortable, and he said no one would have to know. I reiterated that I was not okay with the request, and he asked if he could smell one of my shoes for a few seconds. I just told him to go back into the classroom. 

I immediately told the counselor, who let out the loudest guffaw I’d ever heard. She had me retell the encounter to several others, including the principal. They contacted the kid’s previous school, and it turns out he’d been transferred from the K-8 after asking a young girl if he could smell her feet. 

He eventually got the help he needed and ended up thanking me later. But that was my first best glimpse into what teaching is REALLY like and the first of many times I questioned my decision to be a teacher.

#3 – The Desk Humper in Question

Here’s a funny story from middle school. Or, at least, I hope it’s from middle school!

In the middle of class, a student vigorously humped a desk where a conservative Middle Eastern girl was sitting. He really got into it, with passionate sound effects and everything. I wrote him up, but nothing happened. 

She complained to her family, and we had a conference with both families. The boy’s father refused to believe the story.

They kept asking me if I was sure that it was him. I had to provide three “witnesses” from class who saw this happen just to prove that my story was correct. (As if I would make something like this up.) 

Next, they asked me if I misunderstood what he was doing. Perhaps he was just dancing or scratching an itch. In front of both families, I had to go into detail about his actions to prove that they were inappropriate.

Parents do have something of a reputation for blaming teachers…

Since graduation, this boy has gotten in trouble with the law for breaking and entering as well as aggravated assault. Cool.

#4 – An Unforgettable First Day

Here’s an unforgettably funny student story from a teacher who’s seen the worst.

It was my second year teaching at one of the most challenging schools in the district. It was rough. And odd things happened a lot. 

It was the first day of the school year my first day of teaching a new class. In the middle of my very first lesson, a student stood up and said, “Mister!” and then nothing else. I said, “What is it?” but she just stood there. 

“Mister!” she called out. Again, I asked what she wanted.

At that moment, she held her hand to her mouth and started projectile vomiting. This caused the vomit to spray out of both sides of her hands, hitting students on either side of the aisle and landing on their desks. Screaming ensued. 

Kids began to scatter. And a horrendous, acidic smell began to envelop the room. I quickly told her to go to the nurse and stepped aside.

She took a step or two and then vomited onto the floor, which splattered onto a few students’ legs and one girl’s toes. More scattering and more smell. She went to the middle of the room, turned towards the class, and sprayed even more vomit out of her mouth. 

Now headed towards the door, the students nearby scrambling to avoid being hit, she stopped, looked at all of us again, turned the knob, and opened the door… But not before vomiting all over the door, including the knob. At this point, everyone was up out of their seat, and the fumes of this vomit were too much to bear. More students started vomiting just from the smell.

I was yelling for her to go to the nurse’s office the whole time, and several kids began to yell at her to leave. “Just go to the school nurse, you don’t need an excuse!”

She walked out of the door and closed it behind her. She closed the locked door with the vomit streaking down, shutting us in with the smell. Students began to open the bank of windows on the far side of the room while I hit the emergency call button. 

As more students headed towards the windows, the office chimed in. I asked them to open the door, and they didn’t understand why. They couldn’t seem to understand why I wasn’t going to stand in the vomit and turn the vomit-covered knob to free my students from the vomit tomb. 

While talking to the office on the intercom, I felt a little nauseous. A warm breeze had picked up through the open windows and spread the vomit smell throughout the room even stronger than before. I threw up into a trash can as two students threw up out the window into the alley below. 

So there I stood, assessing the classroom. There was vomit all over the desks, the floor, and the door, and the kids who were hit with the spew were still in an uproar to get out of the room to clean the now-drying vomit off their skin and clothes. I hear more gagging at the windows. And finally, the custodian opened the door.

It was indeed an unforgettable first day.

#5 – It Wasn’t Perfume

First graders are something else… This student story is no laughing matter! (Even if it does sound like a bad teacher joke.)

I was working as an assistant reading coach, and I would push in and out of classrooms all day. I worked with various levels, helping them to improve their fluency, sight reading, etcetera. 

One student registered as a first-grader would come to school daily in outfits that consistently surprised me. This varied from short skirts and low-cut tank tops to kitten heels and incredibly formal party dresses. I remember asking myself every day why her mother would send her to school dressed like this but decided to mind my business. 

One day, this first-grader entered the classroom wearing a rainbow sequin dress and giant fluffy slippers. She seemed particularly happy.

I asked her what she was so pleased about, and she informed me she had brought her sister’s perfume to school and was excited to use it. I told her she could not use it in the classroom (mainly because I was concerned about how some of our sensory-sensitive kids might react to a strong smell). 

She wasn’t super happy with me and spent the morning pouting and giving me a hard time. Finally, she threw her hand in the air and asked to use the bathroom. 

At the time, we were in a room with a bathroom inside the class. She stomped to the back of the room, and that’s when I saw it. She was holding a bright pink bottle in her hand. It hit me: that wasn’t perfume.

It was mace.

Have you ever seen the pretty pink mace that you can clip on your keys? Yeah, that one. My first-grader had a can of mace inside a high-level, sensory-sensitive classroom, and she was about to deploy it in the classroom bathroom. 

The next few minutes felt like years. I ran towards the bathroom, just in time to get hit with the spray flying around the bathroom. I stopped it before it got wildly out of hand, but I had been maced. By a first-grader

I shouted to the teacher, “Take the children to the library!”

“Why? It’s not library time,” she responded. 

“It’s a special library time! Please just take them!” I pleaded desperately.

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

“Please just get the kids out of the room!” I screamed. 

The teacher, realizing I had locked myself in a bathroom with a first-grader, finally followed through, and they left the classroom. I emerged and called the office. We were both coughing and crying. It was a mess. 

They called her mother because, of course, this was a weapons charge. The mother appeared, looked the girl up and down, and yelled, “What are you wearing!?” It turns out that the kid was sneaking clothes into her backpack each morning, getting off the bus, and changing into her outfit of choice. 

I started laughing uncontrollably. The whole situation was so insane I just couldn’t stop laughing. As I tried to catch my breath and pull myself together during this meeting, I couldn’t help but wonder if teaching was really something I wanted to pursue.

There are a lot of good reasons to quit teaching, but getting maced by a first-grader certainly takes the top of the list!

#6 – One Barbie Short

What’s an anthology of hilarious stories about students and teachers without something outrageously unbelievable?

I had a very naughty student in my first year of teaching kindergarten. She was continually doing bizarre things in class and on the playground.

One day, she got in trouble for something and was sitting at a lone desk while the other students were getting to choose a free-play activity in the classroom.

I have a playhouse in my classroom that has kitchen tools and, of course, dolls and Barbies. While playing, a student came to me to tell me that the naughty student had taken a doll. I looked at the student; she was still sitting at her desk and didn’t appear to have a doll.

Frustrated, I looked at my student and said, “She doesn’t have a doll. She’s in trouble! Where would she put the doll anyway?” 

My student looked me dead in the eye and said, “It’s in her butt.” 

After asking her several times if she was sure, I asked the student if she had a Barbie doll, and she proceeded to stand up and walk with a crazy limp because she was trying to hide the toy that was in her butt.

The playhouse is one Barbie short now.

#7 – Magic Wand

Here’s another of my favorite kindergarten moments!

I was teaching kindergarten when we had a “show and tell” session once a week. We were studying fairy tales, and one of my students was overly excited to share what she brought that day.

As we were thinking about descriptive words and vocabulary, she began her share moment, explaining that she brought a big, sparkly, pink magic wand with her! 

She pulled a giant pink “adult toy” from her bag and began to explain that she found it in her mom’s room. She attempted to show the class how it lights up and moves. I scrambled to move her along and say that her object was fantastic, but let’s put it away and let someone else have a go!

It was the most awkward conversation I’ve ever had to have with a parent. And yes, I had to touch it to put it away.

#8 – Whose Eye Is This?

If you laugh at this student’s funny story, you’re probably going to hell. But I’ll be right there with you!

My first year of teaching special education was quite a year. I’ve heard some teachers say that they were quite traumatized teaching special ed, but I mostly just had to ride the chaos, thankfully.

I had a little girl with a glass eye, and her mother warned me that she often pops it out when she’s bored. Luckily, she never did it during class. But one day after school, I got a text from her mom that said, “Hey, have you seen Violet’s eye?”

I immediately started a frantic search in the classroom and playground, but I couldn’t find her eye. Eventually, I called the bus driver who said, “Oh, I didn’t know that was someone’s eye. I saw Billy had it in his mouth and figured it was his, so I stuck it in his backpack.” 

I sent a message to Billy’s mom that said, “Hello! The bus driver put something in Billy’s backpack today. It was something from another student. It’s her glass eye. Can you stick it in a baggie and send it back tomorrow? Thanks!”

The eye was returned the next day and was hopefully disinfected!

#9 – Pink Car

And to finish it all off, please allow Pink Lady, the star of this silly student story, to take it away.

I was 22, had just graduated college, and was in graduate school at night. I was supposed to be student teaching all day for my Master’s, but the school I was assigned to had recently lost 22 teachers the year before due to budget cuts and lack of pay raises.

So I showed up the week before school, and they said, “Since you have a bachelor’s degree, we’re going to use you this year as an actual teacher and just count it as your student teaching.” (Solid advice for new teachers: if they do something like this, LEAVE!)

I was 22 and unable to pass up getting paid for my credits. So I agreed to teach third grade with zero training. On the first day, I was approached by a second-grade teacher who wanted to warn me about a particular student in my class. Her exact words were, “You have Pink Car. She’s a handful. Keep an eye on her at all times.”

Pink Car? I was confused but just nodded and thanked her for the head’s up.

A handful doesn’t even begin to describe this child. She had an alter ego, which was a car, and she liked to be referred to as “Ms. Pink Car.” She would “drive” around my room frequently, run out of gas, and refuse to move. Sometimes her “brakes” would give out, and she’d run around the school like a crazy person while we tried to “fix the brakes”.

One day, she was in a small group with five other students when another student called her by her real name instead of Ms. Pink Car. I could see the rage build up inside her, and I knew something would happen… I just couldn’t predict what. 

She very quickly grabbed a pencil and stabbed this little boy directly in the forehead with it. My assistant brought the little boy to the nurse and got the rest of my class into the hallway. Ms. Pink Car then went on a destructive rampage. She threw desks, chairs, and computers, and knocked over bookshelves while screaming, “I’m Ms. Pink Car!”

As a first-year teacher, I had absolutely no clue what to do. They definitely don’t teach you how to handle situations like this in college, and I wasn’t trained to restrain a student then, so that was totally out of the question.

I called for my principal, who said, “I just sat down to eat lunch. Can it wait?”

I politely responded, “Absolutely not, you need to get here now!”

Ms. Pink Car and the principal did not have a good relationship because, as you can imagine, she was in his office quite frequently. The minute he stepped foot in my classroom, he just fueled her rage. She climbed up on a table, turned around, bent down, and yelled, “Get a load of my butthole, you idiots!”

I was sort of laughing and crying at the same time. The principal, who had been in education for 20+ years compared to my whole seven weeks of experience, said, “What do you think we should do?” I said that I thought we needed to wait her out.

We waited and watched as she continued her meltdown, and within minutes she was exhausted and collapsed onto the floor. It was almost like she blacked out. She said she didn’t remember anything that happened. 

We had several issues with her for the remainder of the year. The principal would “suspend” her for a few days, which did absolutely nothing. I reached out to district child psychologists and social workers, and she was put on a behavior plan that worked about 40% of the time.

We had more violence, behavior disruptions, threats, and even hallucinations throughout the year. The school psychologist swore there was nothing wrong with her. This was mainly because she was smart enough to know when someone was observing her, and, of course, she would act like a perfect angel then. 

I sobbed on the phone to my mother on my way home from work that day, telling her that I hated teaching, it was the worst profession ever, and I couldn’t do it. But I woke up the next day and went to work.

Like all teachers, we have awful days that we could never have imagined, but we still teach. We still show up for the kids. Thankfully, my teaching experiences have always been challenging, but I have never had an experience quite like Ms. Pink Car’s again.

The Funniest Student Stories All Wrapped Up

And that’s a wrap, folks! But stay tuned because there’s always more. ;)

Funny student stories are like baseball cards for teachers. We collect ’em, swap ’em, and one day we’ll sell ’em off to the highest bidder.

Or just post them online in offbeat content!

From the most disturbing tales to the worst excuses for being absent, teachers truly hear it all. So if you’ve got any ridiculous school stories about teachers and their students or anything else, comment below!

I want those cards for my collection.

And otherwise, you know what you need to do: get out there and keep pushing through. After all…

You gotta laugh to keep from crying!