The Funniest Things Kids Say to Teachers · A Ridiculous Roundup!

Kids just say the funniest things. Maybe it’s their sincere curiosity or maybe it’s their lack of contact with the world of logic. Either way, they say the most wholesomely hilarious things all the time. All kids do is talk smack and they don’t even realize it!

So imagine the smack you must hear as a teacher. Students say funny things to their teachers all day long. It’s one of my favorite parts of the job!

Regardless of their age, kids blurt out outrageously honest, ridiculous, and nonsensical comments constantly. Little ones will tell you what’s wrong with your appearance without meaning any harm. But even older kids ask questions that make no sense.

And then, when another student points out how brainless their question or comment was, it’s that much more gratifying. It’s the blind leading the blind! And you, with your two functioning eyes, just sit back and enjoy the show.

I have heard A LOT of nonsense over my decades in the teaching profession. And I have a lot of peers who have heard just that much more. So in homage to all the funny things kids say to teachers, I’ve rounded up the wackiest in this post.

It’s time to celebrate!

All the Funny Things Students Say to Teachers!

Whether it’s your first day of teaching or you’re a bitter and jaded veteran of the profession, kids never cease to amaze with the funny things they say. Even the very bright kids!

So let’s start with one class where you’re bound to hear some kooky zingers. History and Geography.

The world’s a big, strange place. Imagine how much bigger and stranger it must have seemed when making your own sandwich was still an accomplishment.

The Funniest History and Geography Queries from Students

The teacher told the class they were going to be learning about Pearl Harbor. One kid responded, “Wait! I remember her! What did she do again?”

Staring at a world map in class, a kid asked, “What’s on the other side of the world? The map only shows one shows one side, so what’s on the other side?”

A puzzled girl asked her teacher this innocent question: “Why is the Statue of Liberty holding an ice cream cone?”

Believe it or not, students ask their teachers these funny things on a regular basis. “When movies and pictures were only in black and white, did people only see in black and white too?” Other kids go as far as asking if the world itself was in black and white.

“Why do we pledge to the Republicans every morning?” was asked after the class did the pledge of allegiance (good question!). One boy once asked if you could “swim under the United States if you had a big enough oxygen tank,” while another little girl wondered, “Does it rain over the Specific Ocean?”

Meanwhile, on the note of funny things high school students say to teachers, a well-meaning young lady once wondered out loud, “What year was the War of 1812?” Another student became quite upset when he learned that Japan is 13 hours ahead of New York. He commented, “If Japan is 13 hours ahead of us, why didn’t they warn us about 9/11?” What a perfectly reasonable question! Yes, Japan, please explain.

One of my favorite students said one of the funniest things I had ever heard. I told the class that some cities would put severed heads on stakes on top of the wall during Medieval times. The student replied, “That was probably so they could see what was going on on the other side of the wall!” Try putting that one down as an AP test answer – maybe they’ll still give you half a point for making them laugh.

A kid with good intentions told his teacher, “You should watch Game of Thrones because you learn so much about history!” But I mean, he’s not TOTALLY wrong. We might not have dragons, but the world is definitely run by loonies thinking with their nether regions!

Vocabulary Confusion and the Joy It Brings

Words that have multiple meanings can lead to the funniest things falling out of a student’s mouth.

Once, when a teacher told the class that their new classmate was from Lebanon, a student asked if they “spoke lesbian”. While the students called him an idiot, it wasn’t that much of a stretch, was it?

The best moments of vocab mishaps are like the best excuses for visiting the school nurse: 100% innocent and with absolute confidence. Check out these confused kids and their questions:

• “This article is hard. How is an obese person supposed to understand it?”
• “Is a digital footprint when you step on your iPad?”
• “Are dust bunnies real bunnies?”
• “I’m known for my self-defecating humor.”
• Student 1: “What’s a synonym?” Student 2: “That’s the stuff I put on my toast.”
• While petting his friend’s forehead, a seventh grader announced, “He likes it when I rub his foreskin.” The teacher responded, “That is his forehead, and please keep your hands to yourself and continue your work.” But the student doubled down and responded, “It’s his skin on his forehead, so it’s his foreskin! And he likes it when I rub it!”
• When a teacher announced, “Chivalry is dead!” a student replied, “Who is Chivalry? Is that a new student?”
• On a trip to the aquarium, a student said to his teacher, “Miss! I had my face right up against the octopus tank. I loved it because the octopus pressed his testicles right up against the glass near my face!”
• A Home Economics teacher noticed a student with her hand in a bowl of brownie batter, and she was moving it in circles. The teacher asked her why she had her hand in the bowl of batter and the student said, “The instructions say mix by hand!”

Sex Ed and the Wonders of Human Anatomy

Ohh, sex education. The more we debate purity, the more ridiculous the things kids say during sex ed classes get just to prove why need them.

For example, all of the various milk alternatives confuse most kids. And why wouldn’t they! One kid asked, “If almonds don’t have nipples, how do they make almond milk?” and another kid declared, “If coconuts have milk, that means they are mammals!”

Topics on pregnancy specifically cause a lot of confusion and spreading of misinformation. For example, a student told his classmates, “My twin and I don’t look alike because I came from the sperm, and she came from the egg.”

During a sex education class, a student asked, “Can you get pregnant if you have sex while you’re already pregnant?” and a classmate responded, “Duh! Where do you think twins come from?”

Oh, the questions we hear in sex ed class; truly, they never fail to impress. Here are some other funny things kids have asked their teachers about biology and sex education.

• “I can’t get pregnant because I only have sex standing up.”
• “All you need to know about sex ed is that you have to wear two condoms.”
• “If pollen is like sperm, can it get me pregnant?”
• “You don’t need to breathe when you are sleeping.”
• “Can I go pee? My uterus is full.”
• Student 1: “Wait. So girls don’t pee from their vagina?” Student 2: “No. They pee from their vagina butthole.”

Funniest Things Kids Said to Their Teacher During English Class

As for English, oh boy! Honestly, you hear some funny things from students as ludicrous as in sex ed class.

But then, English is important. Without it, how would students so perfectly construct their excuses for being absent?

Here are some top-notch comments and Qs students have asked their English Teachers.

• A high schooler reading The Diary of Anne Frank said, “Miss, was this written by Eminem?”
• Teacher: “J.D. Salinger attended NYU.” Student: “What kind of rides do you have there?”
• “So, like Queen Elizabeth has been a queen since Shakespeare was alive? I didn’t know people could live to be 400 years.”
• “Why didn’t Daisy just text Gatsby when she got home?”

Some Miscellaneous Funny Things Said to Teachers

As I said before, sometimes kids just straight-up mock you without even meaning it! Sure, sometimes students bully teachers, but most kids just have no idea what they’re saying.

To wrap up let’s have a gander and a giggle at some of these best random moments and funny things students have told their teachers.

• One day, a teacher was wearing a Harvard sweatshirt, and a student asked if she went to Harvard. A kid replied, “Of course, she didn’t go to Harvard! She’s a teacher!”
• “Miss you thick! It looks like you have a diaper on.”
• “We should put you on eBay to find you a husband!”
• “Mister, you’re kind of like a human-pterodactyl hybrid, but good-looking.”
• “Miss, you’re so chill. I can’t even tell when you’re on your period!”
• “You remind me of a disgruntled shopping mall Santa.”
• “I don’t think you’re human.”
• “You’re like a badass leprechaun.”
• “You should wear more makeup.”
• “I can tell by your shoes that you have a puppy.”
• “You act like you know more than we do.”
• “This piece of crap school doesn’t deserve you.”
• “You’re like a black unicorn.”
• “You look like a Lego.”
• “You remind me of Bert from Sesame Street.”
• “You never teach us anything; you just spend the whole time explaining stuff.”
• “Your beard is majestic, and it looks like it could nurture a nest of baby birds.”

C**p Kids Say: The Weird, The Wild, and The Wonderful

As the saying goes, kids say the darndest things. And high schoolers say some seriously inappropriate though hilarious things too!

Now, these are, of course, the zany one-off comments and questions that fly around a classroom of humans with underdeveloped pre-frontal cortexes. If a child is more prone to non-stop talking, rambling, going off-topic, or even trying to maximize attention, then there are other approaches and possibilities to consider.

But the rest of the time, it’s just the madness (and misery) of teaching! All the funny things kids say to teachers will, if nothing else, keep you on your toes. Plus you might have to stifle a few reactions in the process.

So if you’ve got any favorites you’ve heard too, let me know in the comments! Maybe we can turn this into a masterclass in the best zingers we’ve ever heard from our students.

Otherwise, stay zany, teachers! Maybe let the kids lead the way sometimes. Life would certainly be dull if we took it too seriously. The looking glass of youth is a wonderful thing to peer through.

And at the very least, it keeps us asking the most burning question of all…