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25 Of The Dumbest Things Some Teens Actually Believe About Sexual Health

25 Of The Dumbest Things Some Teens Actually Believe About Sexual Health


Provided by your nation’s fearless health teachers

We all had misinformed beliefs about sexual health when we were kids. We didn’t have resources like Google to get accurate information from, so we were left with what our peers knew and the occasional bit of info from late-night television. 

These days, kids have no excuse to believe such ridiculous things about sex other than pure unwillingness to look things up or listen to what their teachers are telling them. 

Most kids have some sort of “maturation” or sexual education course before they leave elementary, if not at the beginning of middle school, so if they would just pay attention, they wouldn’t believe such insanely dumb things about their bodies and how reproduction works. 

Health and sex educators around the U.S. shared some very amusing beliefs their students had at the beginning of their sexual health courses. Thank goodness they were actually enrolled in these classes because if this is the kind of thing kids believe (that Mountain Dew is effective birth control), we as a species are doomed. 

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The Most Ill-Informed Beliefs Students Have About Sexual Health

Weird Ideas about Pregnancy

  1. “If you chug tons of Mountain Dew before having sex, it lowers sperm count.” (Even if that were true, using this as your only form of birth control is pretty dumb. As they say, it only takes one!)
  2. “When you drink milk, it stays in your body so you can feed your baby with it.”
  3. “If you smoke weed during pregnancy the baby will be small and not ‘stretch out your hole’ too much.”
  4. A student said, “When God decides it’s time for you to have a baby, he blesses you with one. That is how it works.” When the teacher explained that a pregnancy required intercourse, the student said, “Well, that’s not how it works for my parents.” 
  5. “During pregnancy, you shouldn’t wear pants too much because then the baby can’t breathe.”
  6. “If you have sex when you’re pregnant, that’s how you get twins.”
  7. “When a woman has twins, it’s because the man had too much sperm.”
  8. “The sperm eats the egg, and then it grows into a baby.”
  9. “If you have sex for longer, the baby will be bigger.”
  10. “You can’t get pregnant if you didn’t have an orgasm.”

Odd Ideas About Pregnancy Prevention

  1. “Sex doesn’t count in middle school. Girls can’t get pregnant that young.”
  2. “Women can get pregnant from swallowing sperm. That’s how I was made.”
  3. “The darker the skin color, the darker the sperm.”
  4. “The condom needs to be very tight to block the sperm from getting out.”
  5. “Condoms have really tiny holes that are too small for sperm to fit through, but AIDS is smaller and can pass right through.”

Confusion about Gay People

  1. “A gay man doesn’t need a partner because he can just swing his ‘member’ back to his butt and get the job done himself.”
  2. “Gay men can’t get girls pregnant.”

Scary Comments About Sex and STDs

  1. “When the penis goes in the vagina, it clicks like a lock.” 
  2. “If you never go in the ocean or have sex with someone who has been in the ocean, you can’t get crabs.”

Misinformation on Masturbation

  1. “A wet dream is when you pee in your sleep.”
  2. “Masturbating gives you cancer.”

Random Yet Amusing Non-sense

  1. “If you don’t lose your virginity by 17, your penis will fall off.”
  2. “If you blow really hard into a penis, it will make the man fart.”
  3. “If a girl is naked and does a split, she can suction cup to the ground.”
  4. “Males are dumber when they have an erection because all the blood leaves their brain and goes to their penis.” (This one actually makes a lot of sense!)

If you enjoy laughing at the lack of knowledge of our nation’s youth, you’d love this article.

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Jane Morris

Jane Morris is the pen name of an ex-teacher who would really like to tell you more about herself but is worried awful administrators will come after her for spilling their dirty little secrets. Jane has taught English for over 15 years in a major American city. She received her B.A. in English and Secondary Education from a well-known university and her M.A. in Writing and Literature from an even fancier (and more expensive) university. As a professional queen of commiseration turned published author, Jane’s foremost passion in life is to make people laugh through the tears.

She has written several highly acclaimed books unpacking the reality of teaching and life inside the school system. You can view her full library of works here.