
FUNNIEST Teacher Jokes: Snappy Student Comebacks and Cheesy Quips for Kids
Funny Teacher Jokes By Jane Morris
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses when she came to class? Because her students were bright.
Heyyyooo!!! I’ll show myself the door. Actually, no I won’t! Because today, the topic is funny teacher jokes, and I got stacks on stacks.
However, I’ve mixed it up in this post. We’re not just covering jokes about school and a math teacher’s favorite dessert (it’s pi, btdubs – expect hip slang in this post too).
No, I’ve brought you jokes you can USE on your students. To school those little devils right into place with your overwhelming intelligence. Muahahahah.
Teachers got jokes too. And if they teach middle or high school, those jokes are bound to be as snarky and sarcastic as possible. It’s not that we try to be this way, but it’s a warzone out there! Whether they’re clean or dirty teacher jokes, quips, and retorts, you need to arm yourself to the teeth.
These are the funniest comebacks and jokes for teachers to prepare. And some of the cheesiest jokes about teachers too because why not!
It can’t all be misery, hey?

You’re going to need your daily dose to survive teaching!
Funniest Teacher Jokes and Clapbacks to School Your Students
Siiiiiiigh. We all hate those questions. The really, really dumb things students say to teachers that un a very fine line between totally sincere and intentionally irritating. E.g…
“Miss, can we watch a movie today?” (This is usually accompanied by a rigid hand shooting straight up into the air.)
I’m still not sure why students are so shocked when they get a sarcastic response from their teacher. “Damn, why are you so salty, Miss? I was just asking a question.” Yes, a really annoying one.
That’s why teachers keep a whole arsenal of dry and funny jokes to fire back with. Lock ‘n’ load, teacherinos…
Jokes About Homework and Classwork
Ahh, yes, all those excuses for not doing their homework. And all those questions about their homework too. Or, at least, questions about NOT doing it.
New teachers, pay attention. This is how you channel the irritation.
Jokes About Grades
There are a lot of reasons teachers are like judges. For one, an English teacher is like a judge because they both give out sentences.
But puns aren’t the whole story! With all the judging, grading, and squabbling about grades you’ll be doing as a teacher, you’re like a judge in more ways than one.
Jokes About Tests
“Will this be on the test?” A teacher’s five favorite words.
I have one thing to say to that, Billy!
Jokes About Really Daft Questions
And now we’ve come to my favorite part. Some questions from students don’t even pertain to any category! They just sit in a realm of silliness all by themselve.
Let me tell you what teaching is really like. Clapping back at this nonsense! With the only tool available-
More nonsense.
3 Snappy Teacher Comebacks to Students
Students seem to think they can say whatever they want to us without consequence, and they’re right. They don’t get in trouble for anything verbal at all, even a threat against a teacher’s life. With such a serious lack of accountability, student behavior just keeps on getting worse.
The only recourse a teacher has when a student is unbelievably rude or inappropriate is to be even ruder back. Just, in a much more intelligent way.
Prep some funny teacher jokes ready for the comeback, and then come back hard!
Comeback #1
Student: “Can I borrow $5?”
Teacher: “I don’t have any money.”
Student: “You should become a stripper. You don’t have to pay taxes and you would make more money than being a teacher. Plus, I’d pay to see that.”
Teacher: “Not if you don’t even have $5. Now get away from me.”
Comeback #2
Student: “Do you have any kids?”
Teacher: “Nope.”
Student (with a creepy wink): “I could help you fix that!”
Teacher: “I’m not interested in adopting you.”
Comeback #3
Teacher: “What do you think the character’s motivation was for-“
Student: “This book sucks.”
Teacher: “Well, maybe if you would actually read the book…”
Student: “Well, maybe if you would actually read my dick…”
Teacher: “Does anyone have a magnifying glass?”
15 Cheesiest Teacher Jokes for Kids
Just in case you are a teacher who came here looking for cheesy jokes to tell your elementary schoolers, here are some gems my own students have shared with me.
If you want some riddles to tickle the kids’s brains instead, you’ll have to have to look elsewhere. These are only the funniest teacher jokes to make your students LOL.
Caution: the cheesiness and weirdness is off the charts below!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite subject at school? Arrrrrrr-t.
- What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear? White Vans.
- What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?? An expla-nation.
- Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- Why can’t you ever trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What do you call an old snowman? Water.
- How many months have 28 days? All of them!
- Why did the farmer ride his horse into town? Because it was too heavy to carry.
- What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.
- What did the banana say to the cat? Nothing. Bananas can’t talk!
- What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common? They both have the same middle name!
- Why was the mathematics book sad? It had too many problems!
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance? Because he had no body to dance with!
- Can February March? No, but April May!
- Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? He couldn’t control his pupils.
“Hahahah, That’s a Funny Joke, Teach'”
Okay, if you made it all the way to the end without vomiting from the cheese level of those jokes, I salute you! Your dedication to funny teacher jokes is truly remarkable!
These were teacher jokes for students and to be used on students. If you’d rather teacher jokes for adults, I have a whole post of spicy and dank memes about school and teaching too!
Otherwise, get out there and teach! But don’t do it without first doing your homework on how to dish out as good as you receive.
If you’ve had any moments of pure verbal carnage in class of the clapback kind, I want to hear about it! Let me know down in the comments below.
Or you can submit an anonymous secret to Teacher Misery for posting if it’s a dash more undiplomatic.
But then again, always keep it undiplomatic! Teacherinos, I want to see dim, lightless, and dreary classrooms out there.
From all the shade you be throwin’.
Jane Morris, Author
Jane Morris is the pen name of a teacher who would really like to tell you more about herself but is afraid she’ll lose her job. Jane has taught English for over 15 years in a major American city. She received her B.A. in English and Secondary Education from a well-known university and her M.A. in writing from an even fancier (more expensive) university. As a professional queen of commiseration turned published author, Jane’s foremost passion in life is to make people laugh.
She has written several highly acclaimed books unpacking the reality of teaching and life inside the school system. You can view her full library of works here.
Attention! Some of the links present in this article may be affiliate links. This means that if you make a purchase through the link, we might generate a small commission (at no extra cost to you!). Additionally, as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases made through the links. All of this revenue goes back into Teacher Misery and the mission of improving it and the lives of teachers everywhere. As always, thank you for all your support! :)))
Subscribe to Teacher Misery
Join the Teacher Misery newsletter and never miss a new post, book release, or teacher secret!